Can you lose yourself to new Mommyhood?

I’m Baaack!! 😝

I cannot believe it has been a solid year since my last blog post. Around this time last year was when I found out I was pregnant with my first baby.

I intended to keep up with my blog and my content creation, but pregnancy kicked my butt. Seriously! The first trimester was the worst, between the daily nausea, exhaustion, prenatal depression (a blog will be up about this!), low appetite, indigestion, and so on. I couldn't handle the emotions of pregnancy along with writing a blog on emotions. It was almost as if I had no room for anything else but to literally try to survive and work my day job.

Before getting pregnant, I highly valued my career, my content creation, my blog, and being focused on my goals. I always told myself that I wouldn't change anything during pregnancy and after the baby is here. I told myself I'd never let myself go. I didn't want to end up like the majority of women we commonly see in society who have a career and hobbies, but lose it all once the baby or babies arrive. I always knew that wasn't me.

Now that I'm on the other side, yes, I did let go of a piece of my interest during pregnancy because pregnancy is hard! Well, at least it was for me. It was mentally, emotionally, and physically draining. I could barely care for myself, let alone my clients AND create content about mental health. So, I put down my goals and entrepreneurial self and focused on simply surviving and working.

And you know what? I don't regret it. I didn't have room for all of this, and I didn't want to make any room for it. Honestly, my blog was the last thing on my mind. (a VERY humbling experience 😅)

Funny, huh? Before ever becoming pregnant, I said I didn't want to lose myself, but did I really? I like to believe I chose to set down things that I couldn't fulfill the way I had wanted in order to make sure I was healthy and okay. That's the hard part about being pregnant: having to decide and make different choices when entering a pregnancy. The challenge is actually going back to areas of your life that were meaningful and important to you.

It's interesting because society says you will lose yourself when you have a baby. That everything you once were will go out the door, and you will no longer recognize yourself when you look in the mirror. And you know what? That's not true for me.

Yes, I have added layers now to what makes me me. I have a new role now. I'm not just a wife, sister, tia, or cousin. I'm a mommy now. And with that comes my maternal instincts: the worrying, anxiety, new responsibilities, tiredness that you never knew was possible but an energy all at the same time (yeah, it's pretty crazy once you're in that!), and everything in between.

I did not lose myself.

I enhanced myself.

I still feel like me. I still recognize my inner voice, I have my sense of humor, many of my opinions have not changed, I'm present with myself, and I physically look like the me I once knew. Minus the sore nipples, extra 5 pounds, and low muscle physique.😄

I am me plus more.

I still have my silly self, AND I'm also more cautious and thoughtful.

I still have my unpopular opinions about life, AND I've learned a new perspective too.

I still have goals and ambitions, AND I have my priorities in check.

I still value my physical health by eating healthy and working out, AND I'm taking it easy to make sure my body heals first.

I still see my marriage as my number one, AND now I know what it's like to find balance.

I can still be selfish, AND I've learned how to be generous.

I think it's important to take the time to know yourself fully and to know that you cannot lose yourself unless you allow it to happen. It's about slowing down, being present, and accepting your reality for what it is.

There has been a lot of growth over here, but in the midst of all the diaper changes, late nights, breastfeeding, sore nipples (the worst!), hormonal changes, and so on...I'm still me.

On that note, I'm now 4 months postpartum, I just went back to work full-time 2 weeks ago (another blog post on maternity leave is coming!), and I'm writing again!

I cannot wait to share my experience with pregnancy and mental health. I learned that a lot is not acknowledged when it comes to the waves of pregnancy.

Stay tuned. 😊