Leaving The Nest For The First Time: 4 Ways To Cope
Moving is hard. Change is hard. Transitions in general are hard!
I always knew the inevitable day of moving out of my parent’s house for the first time would come, but I never REALLY saw it. I guess I just assumed moving would be a badass experience. Like, nothing can stop me now! Here I come world!
But no, it wasn’t like that for me. In fact, I found myself feeling a lot of anxiety leading up to the day of closing escrow.
I remember having moments sitting in my room, that I’ve lived in my entire life, and reminiscing on all the sleep overs I had, moments of happiness and excitement, and even many moments of sadness, heart break, and anger. This room of mine was my sanctuary. My comfort zone, my safe place, my one and only. It was where I lived and experienced all of my life milestones as child, teenager, a young adult, and a married young woman.
Twinkle lights and al!!
There is something about dim lighting that just comforts me to my core.
It’s all I’ve ever known.
I’ve seen the walls of my room grow and change, as I did. From a two toned white and pink room ( Britney and Spice Girls posters galore😃) ,to a lavender room with an accent wall, to a beautiful feminine mauve color.
Then there was the furniture and personal belongings that evolved over time. From princess twin sized bed with my play kitchen in the corner next to my barbie house, to a full-sized bed with a desk and a blow-up chair, to a queen-sized bed and a nice big TV.
Home is comfort. Home is a place where you come to relax from the outside world and it is a place to feel safe. My biggest struggle now is how do I move and call a new house home?
I was unsure about sharing this story because I felt shame and embarrassment. I was playing the comparison game by thinking how many of my peers have already moved out or have experienced living on their own even if it was for a little while. I almost felt like I was late to the game or like there was something wrong with me for waiting to move out. But, guess what…. there’s absolutely nothing wrong with me. I’m right on time for my path in life.
So now I’m here… we closed escrow in late May of 2021 and we have been in our new home for almost 8 months.
How did I manage my emotions during this transition?
Welp, here are 4 ways that will help you get through moving away for the first time.
#1 Support System
I will say this again and again…a support system is the key to our sanity, our well-being, they help us know we are okay and safe. A healthy support system can look different for everyone and you don’t need a huge group either. It is quality over quantity. You can have 2 people who are your main supports and still feel like you have the whole world behind you. Leaning on those you trust can help you process and talk about your hard emotions like sadness, nervousness, frustration, etc. They are even the perfect crowd to reflect and build a dialogue around your life as a whole.
#2 Reflect back on major decisions
Leaving the nest for the first time can lead to some emotions or thoughts where you were maybe questioning yourself or your ability to survive on your own. Many thoughts like “ Can I do this?” , “ Will I be able to make the payments?” or those dreaded “ What Ifs” that always seem to pop in, yet they’re not so helpful. “ What if I get sick” , “ What if I can’t sleep at night”, “ What if I run out of food and I can’t afford to buy anymore” ……to reduce the chances of falling down this rabbit hole, grab a friend, a journal, and reflect!
Thinking back or writing down some major decisions you have made in the past will remind you that you are capable of making healthy choices for yourself. This will build trust and confidence in your ability to be on your own. Reminding yourself that you will be okay and you are capable.
#3 Find ways to cope
Healthy coping skills are the essential piece to being able to manage a huge change, such as moving away. Coping skills will help you ground yourself, it will promote a healthy flow of thinking, reducing those dreaded “rabbit hole” situations we talked about, and it will foster more positive emotions like happiness, optimism, and joy.
Coping skills look different for everyone. They can be reading a great book, organizing your closet, taking a long relaxing bath, or even exercising!
The goal here is to do an activity that you enjoy doing during a time when you’re not feeling too well. Some examples would be if anxiety pops up and you find yourself not being able to sit still , a racing heartbeat starts , breathing becomes shallow, or you notice your mind won’t stop. Or maybe you’re feeling scared, worried, or an overwhelm of emotions.
Healthy coping skills help you manage and overcome those tough moments and it promotes strength building, resiliency, calmness, mindfulness, and relaxation.
#4 Don’t forget your favorite blanket!
Sentimental pieces help make your new space feel like home. This brings a level of comfort, familiarity, and calmness. So don’t forget your favorite pillow, fuzzy socks, blanket, or family photos! Place them where you can see them, that way when you’re having a rough day you can be reminded of safety and comfort. Our favorite items are the gateway of making a new house feel like home sweet home.
I’ve applied every one of these coping skills and I will say the transition of moving was not always easy, but it was definitely manageable and worth it!
Try them out!
